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During some down time at work yesterday, I created a schedule for the evening for myself. You see, I work an hour away from home and I’m the kind of person that needs sleep so I like to be in bed by 10 or 10:30, which leaves little time to get a lot of things done when I get home.

The plan was to go home, feed the puppies, go for a run (starting at just 1 mile since it’s been awhile), have dinner, prepare some of tonight’s dinner so there is less to do, finish writing thank you cards for the wedding (hey, ettiquette says we have a year!), clip my coupons from Sunday’s paper, take a shower, research some recipes for my Pampered Chef Deep Covered Baker and then hopefully get to just “sit” for a little while before bed.

It all got done except for the thank you cards – maybe I’ll tackle those Saturday afternoon. My run though? My run was awful.

I mentioned that I had cut my foot pretty badly back in August. The experience was less than pleasant and as I was holding L’s hand, crying while the doctor phsychian’s assistant stitched it up, L mentioned that it might be a good idea to start saving our money – “I hear adoption is expensive.” Hey, I’ve always told him I was a baby. And I’ve never had anything like that done before.

Anyway, the hospital I went to doesn’t have the best reputation, but I was just going for some stitches, not because I had a stroke or something. It’s not a bad hospital – there are just better ones around. But it was the closest one and when this all happened, L was three hours away and one of our friends (also an EMT – it pays to know all these people) was the one who came over, wrapped my foot up and took me to the hospital until L got there (yes, L got to the hospital from 3 hours away before they even began my stitches – and we had gone as soon as I cut my foot).

As L was watching them stitch up my foot (I obviously had my eyes closed and would have passed out if I had not been lying down) he wasn’t too impressed with the work. He thought one of them was kind of loose and he also thought I should have had 1-2 more – and maybe 1-2 internal stitches because it was so deep. But the PA thought it was fine and I was bandaged up and set on my way to limp out of the ER.

Truth be told, I probably walked on it much more than I should have in the days following. I couldn’t help it – I had things to do – our wedding was in three weeks! Because it was on the inside of my left foot, kind of on my arch, I walked on the outside of my foot. It took much longer to heal than I had thought it would or than the PA said (perhaps bc I wasn’t too good at staying off of it). L had to clean it for me (I almost passed out twice in the process) and when I went to the Minute Clinic at CVS to have them removed ($70 to remove stitches with no insurance!), I almost passed out there too. I was still afraid it was going to pop back open, so I continued to walk on the side of my foot.

Fast forward to the last couple weeks. I initially started running again at the beginning of December. I was determined to train in time to run a half at the end of February. The first day was awful, as I knew it would be since it had been about 7 months since I really ran. By the time I got to day 3, the outside of my left ankle was beginning to hurt. Something I had never experienced before. It was then that I realized I was running on the outside of my left foot. Apparently I have been doing this all along, just not as severly as when I hurt my foot. I looked at a pair of flats I wear to work all the time, and I can see where the side has been rubbing against the ground.

Damn. There goes the half. This was going to take work to start running in correct form again.

So last night I went out and did just that. It was the first time I ran since day 3 at the beginning of December. I made sure to really focus on running correctly on my left foot. And unlike the last times I had run, I felt good. I made it to a half a mile in just over 5 minutes (that’s good for me). But I noticed that my foot was starting to hurt. And it hurt more and more with every step. Not my ankle like last time, but my foot where the scar is.

I didn’t even make it to 3/4 of a mile before I had to stop. It was awful. And even as I walked the rest of the way to the car, it hurt so much it made me want to cry. Although, part of the tears were partly due to frustration as well.

I’m hoping that it’s just because I have been favoring the outside of my foot so much and that I just need to build the strength (and tolerance) back up for the inside part. I have been trying to be more mindful of how I walk in general and notice how easily my foot rolls to the side. This all seems to explain why my foot gets so sore when I wear heals now (which is very infrequently – bc of the soreness) – it’s because I can’t as easily roll my foot in those as I can in flats or sandals. That’s my diagnosis anyway.

My goal for tonight was to run 1.5 miles, but I’m just going to do as much as I can. I don’t want to overdo it, but I have to keep going.

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2011 Goal #1 is to lose weight and become more fit.  And really, to try an maintain it for more than a year.  I did not begin on January 1 though – I felt like that would be asking for failure.  The pressure, you know.  Instead, I spent the day sleeping until 1pm (went to bed on the floor at our friend’s house at 3am, got up at 6 with L so he could go to work and I could go let the dogs out, went back to bed at 7:30 and slept till 1), which I hadn’t done in, well, I can’t even remember.  I vegged on the couch recovering from the night before – more due to exhaustion than a hangover.  (I remembered to take my multi-vitamin before bed which is the hangover cure.  Seriously wish I knew about that in college.)  Rather than joining the rest of the south in eating greens and black eye peas for good luck in the new year, I ate my most favorite meal one last time to get it out of my system – mac & cheese with hot dogs mixed in.  Yup, I’m a 6 year old at heart.
 
Yesterday was not the beginning of the goal either.  L and I spent the day running some errands and window shopping and eating our last bad-for-you meals together.  We did come up with a menu for dinners this week and went grocery shopping to get everything we needed (Goal #6 – cook more meals at home).  While we were out, I also picked up two newspapers so I could start clipping my coupons (Goal #5).
 
Our house is for sale (yay! now someone please buy it. soon. for what we’re asking. at least close to it.) and we were lucky enough to have two showings in the past week.  But we had to do a major clean up in a short amount of time before the last one and we were both scrambling.  We knew we had to get the house back in show order this weekend to avoid that in the future.  So once we got home from our day-long outing, that’s what we did.  Cleaned out the fridge and cabinets while putting away groceries and then cleaned the rest of the house, put away laundry, etc.  It is spic and span now. 
 
In the process, we took the time to weigh ourselves for our official starting weight.  Normally we would do this in the morning and not at the end of the day after a big meal.  But by doing it then, we felt like it gave us a head start bc obviously there would be some change between last night and this morning already.  No, it’s not cheating.  And, oh holy hell, I almost died when I saw that number on the scale.  I even stepped off and stepped back on to make sure.  You know how I told you I’ve seen numbers I’ve never seen before?  Yeah, take that and add about 7lbs!  What the hell have I been doing?!  Once that was done, we took some before pictures.  I was going to post them even though I knew they would be bad and embarrasing, but then I saw them and decided there was no way in hell I was doing that.  Did I mention we did them in bathing suits?  Yeah, about that.  Not pretty.  Maybe when I met my goal and I feel better about myself, I’ll post them in conjunction with the after pictures.  Maybe.
 
We didn’t go to bed until at least 12:30.  No good.  Which made getting up this morning difficult.  But I prepared what I hope is a halfway healthy lunch (or at least not as bad for me as what it could be) and headed to work after 11 days off.  Tonight, I’ll go home and get a run in too.  If I wasn’t motivated to succeed at this goal before, I sure am now after seeing those pictures!

Last night I got to do something for the very first time – I got to kiss my husband at midnight as we rang in the new year together.  The beginning of the first full calendar year as a married couple.  And how wonderful it was.  I think it’s fitting that L is the only “real” person I’ve kissed at midnight.  That sounds weird, doesn’t it?  I’m sure there were random people I kissed at midnight – perhaps – but I don’t really remember a lot of those nights.  L is the only one that I kissed that I wanted to kiss.  That I looked forward to kissing.  That ringing in a new year with a kiss with him meant something.  And now he will be the only one I kiss.  Until there are little humans around our home one day and we kiss them, too.

We celebrated with some of my best friends, something we hadn’t done the last two years as we had hung out with a different group of friends.  It was a low key night at a friend’s house, but so fun.  Lots of food, beer, champagne and laughing.  We had lots to celebrate – the first of my close knit friends is expecting twins in July; mine and L’s marriage along with another good friend’s marriage; and E’s engagement – yup, she’s getting married in May.

We’ve come a long way from the days of going out downtown and staying at a hotel.  Nobody got “lost” this year, no one walked 15 minutes from the bar to the hotel barefoot and almost through shattered glass, no one brought any random guys back.  We’ve definitely grown up.  There were babies at the party! (sort of)  There were wedding rings on!  There was talk of buying new cars and new homes and when they planned on “trying”.  It’s amazing to see how we’ve grown.  And how we’ve grown together.  Adding in new members to our circle (husbands and fiances).  It was a wonderful night.

I never make very original resolutions.  Mine are usually the cliche lose weight, get in shape, etc., etc., etc.  This year I’m making goals.  Maybe changing the term will take a little pressure off.  Some are cliche, some aren’t.

1. Lose weight (cliche) 
Last year I had done so well dropping the pounds between January and March for the Cooper River Bride Run.  I lost about 20lbs, but it easily inched back on.  And at our wedding, I wasn’t quite as hefty as I was at the turn of the new year, but I wasn’t as skinny as I wanted to be either.  And since then, I’ve definitely packed them on.  Dear Lord, I have seen numbers on that scale that I have never, EVER seen before.  And I would like to stop seeing them.  The goal is to lose 25lbs by E’s wedding in the middle of May.  When I ring in 2012, I would like to be back at the weight I was when I first did Weight Watchers out of college – that means I have to lose 50lbs.  I hope I can acheive that before next new year’s, but I’m keeping my goals realistic.

2. Improve my time for the CRBR
Last year I ran the race in 1:06:30.  Not too shabby considering I ran a mile for the very first time only 6 months prior.  This year, my goal is two part.  I want to at least run it in 1:03:30 – shave off three minutes.  My ultimate goal, which is a lofty one I know, is to finish in 59:59.  I just want to say I was able to do it in under an hour.  That’s a lot to shave off in three months though – especially since I have to work on my form because I’m running funny on the foot that I cut over the summer.

3. Run a half-marathon
I was hoping to be able to run one this year, but wedding planning kind of got in the way.  I want to be able to run one next fall.  There are some in the late spring that I could try for, but I want to make sure I’m really ready.  L is going to do it with me and we’re going to chose one in a destination so we get a mini-vaca out of it too.  I’m pretty sure I can talk E and LM into it as well.  There are races in Savannah, the Outerbanks and Kiawah Island in October/November that I’m considering.

4. Take better care of my skin
I usually take a shower at night, but when I don’t, I need to be more diligent about taking off my make-up.  Using a better moisturizer and maybe some anti-aging stuff (nothing hardcore).  I hear all those grocery store products actually work, but you should start before the problems actually begin.  I was going to do this around my 26th bday, but never got my act together.

5. Start Couponing
Several of my friends are those crazy couponers that get $100 worth of groceries but only pay $15.  They’ve begun to teach me their ways and now I just need to actually start trying it.

6. Cook more meals
L grew up eating out a lot, so our habit of hardly ever eating at home is nothing out of the ordinary for him.  For awhile, we did good coming up with menus and eating at home all the time.  We need to get back into this, both to save money and to eat better too.  This will hopefully go hand in hand with the couponing.  I hope that we can cut back to eating out only once or twice a week.

7. Do something about grad school
I’ve been toying with the idea of going back to school for quite some time.  For awhile it was for a career change, but now that I know there is a job out there that I like in my field, I want to proceed with getting my master’s.  My alma mater has a pretty good program, but because of my grades from undergrad, it will be difficult for me to get in.  It’s amazing how making a few mistakes your freshman year can affect you for so long.  I think I’ve got a shot, but we’ll see.  I want to at least look into it more, make sure we can afford it, perhaps apply.

8. Walk the puppies more
We FINALLY finished fencing in our backyard so the puppies get to run around a lot and they love it.  But I would still like to walk them more.  It’s hard because they don’t walk very well on a leash, and I think that’s what deters me from it, but they’re never going to learn if we don’t try.

9. Remain dedicated to my husband
L’s schedule can be trying sometimes.  It’s hard for me when he’s away at work and always busy.  I know there are people out there who have it way worse than me – all the military families serving our country – but it’s still hard.  I want us to continue to work to make our relationship and marriage the best it can be.  Because marriage is work, and we’ve got a great one. 

10. Begin researching our family tree
I had to do this once in elementary school and I’m always fascinated by history.  When at the beach for a friend’s bachelorette party this past spring, some of the other girls were talking about how they are very into their geneology and all the different things they have discovered while researching.  I was intrigued.  While watching TV the other day, I saw several commercials for ancestry.com and decided to check it out.  I tried their free trial.  I brought the idea up to L about working on his too and compiling them now that we’re married.  He liked it.  Although a website like ancestry.com isn’t necessary, it definitely  helps.  It’s rather expensive, especially to get the global version which I need more than L since my grandparents came through Ellis Island.  This will obviously a long-term project, but the goal is to get it started.

2010, you have been one hell of a year.  One that I will never, ever forget.  L and I will always celebrate you.  But 2011, watch out, I’m coming at you!

What?  I’m actually making progress on my running?  No way!  That 5k is starting to seem more realistic every day.  Last week I ran a mile without stopping for the first time in my entire life.  And then, I did it again.  I was so impressed and proud of myself.

On Monday, I met L at the fire station where we worked out for 30 minutes and then finished up with a run outside.  We did our own thing at the gym and I was finishing up just after him.  I tried to increase the weight a little on a couple of the things I did, so I did the same on my last routine.  I was doing those things where you hold a weight behind your head and lift it up – to work on the jiggly, underside of your arm (triceps, I believe is he correct term).  When we first started doing this a couple weeks ago, I used a 5lb weight, but realized it was a little too easy, so I moved on to an 8lb weight.  Monday I was going to go for the 12lb-er.  That’s when L just looked at me and was like, “um, no.  Use the 25lb one.”  Was he crazy?  I can’t lift 25lbs up and down behind my head.  “You’re selling yourself short, I know you can do it.  You’re a lot stronger than you think.”  So I went for the 20lb one and you know what?  I did it.

We headed over to wear we run and walked a half mile first.  I was tired, but didn’t want to admit it.  We started running and weren’t too far into when L mentioned how heavy his legs felt.  Oh thank God, it wasn’t just me.  I barely made it a half mile, but when I made the turn it felt better – for about 30 seconds.  It was rough.  We finished up the mile and didn’t stop and kept going.  Our goal was to finish a mile and a half.  And we did.  But I will not deny that I almost didn’t make it.  And possibly grunted like a cave man during the last two tenths of a mile.

BUT.  Not only did I do a mile, but I did a mile and a half.  During the grunting phase of the run, L kept telling me that he would give me a 30 minute back massage if I made it.   After we finished, he confessed he didn’t think I was going to make it because I had already said I was going to quit.  But I didn’t.  Woo, go me!

Yesterday, I went out by myself and did it again.  This time there was no grunting.  And this time I also didn’t do a mile and a half.  I did 1.8 miles!  If I hadn’t have eaten dinner earlier, I think I could have made it the whole two miles.  I couldn’t believe it.  The two mile mark was in sight this time. 

The 3.1 miles is getting closer and closer.  And I still have about 51 days to practice!  I don’t want to keel over as I’m crossing the finish line, and I know I’ll probably be one of the last runners, but as long as I finish, that’s all I care about.  And I still have plenty of time to improve some.

Oh, and I can practice in a lovely environment this weekend.  At the beach!  I really thought that when L called his mom she was going to say the condo was already being used, but it’s not!  I really can not describe just how excited I am to go this weekend.  We’re definitely going Friday – Sunday.  L is scheduled to work at his pt job on Monday, but he’s going to see if he can switch it for another day so we can stay through Monday. 🙂  The beach makes me happy!

Wow.  So it’s been awhile since I posted.  But frankly, when one doesn’t have a job,  I just don’t always have a lot to say.  I will say though that I’ve been able to fill up my days better than I thought I would and some other exciting things have happened too (no, L has not proposed).

– L and I booked a trip to Cabo for next July!  Yes, the girl without a job just booked a 8 day/7 night trip to Cabo at a 4 star all-inclusive resort.  Actually, this trip has been in the works for 3 years now.  My friend LM once said that if she wasn’t seriously dating someone by her 30th birthday, that we were all going to go to Cabo to celebrate her birthday in lieu of a bachelorette party.  Well, a year from next month, LM will be turning 30, and since no boyfriend is in the picture, we’re packing our bags.  But frankly, I pretty sure we would have gone anyway.  At first it was just a girls trip, but then she invited boyfriends/husbands as well.  Invitations went out and the estimated cost was between $1500 and 2000 including airfare.  Yes, meals and even alcohol are included as well, but still, that is a lot of money!   Then two weeks later I lost my job.  L said he wasn’t going if it was that expensive and he would help me pay my way since we’ve been planning this for so long.  Well, LM went to actually book the trip and we got an amazing deal – this trip, including everything is no longer $2000 – but a mere $900.  Whoa!  So excited.  And L is coming too!

– And since we’ll be spending a week by the pool, we’ve got to get in shape (and you know, maybe something else will be next year too that we will want to look our best for).  So L and I have started working out at the gym at the vol FD.  The crazy thing?  I actually enjoy it and look forward to it.  Wow.  Never thought I’d say that.

-The other day it was so nice out, we had a cool spell and I just wanted to be outside.  Rather than working out at the gym, we decided to go run outside.  Oh yeah.  Remember that?  How I was going to try to run?  Well, that kind of fell by the wayside when it was like 95+ degrees everyday.  You know what else happened that day?  I ran a WHOLE mile.  Without stopping.  Yes, yes.  A mile is not much.  But to me, it is HUGE.  Never before have I done this.  Don’t get me wrong, the end was painful and I’m sure I was a sight to see, but I still did it.  For the first half of the run, it actually felt GOOD.  And I thought to myself, ohhh, this is why people do it.  I really think the working out L and I have been doing has helped a lot. 

-I still want to do the Cooper River Bridge Run in April and have a long way to go, but I’ve decided I need smaller goals in between.  On Halloween morning, we’ll be doing a 5K around the airport and part of it is even on one of the runways.  And in December we’ll be doing another one.

– And what’s crazier – yesterday I ran a mile AGAIN.  By myself.  I didn’t even have L there to push me.  Very early on I didn’t think I was going to make it, but I just kept pushing myself.  It was incredible.

-In other news, I’ve taken the puppies to the park a lot, I’ve been doing other On Demand workouts and I’ve been searching for a job.

-I’ve found lots of jobs to apply for, but just haven’t really gotten anywhere with them.  I just want an interview!  Fingers crossed I’ll find something soon.

-L ended up with next Friday-Sunday completely off work.  I’m crossing my fingers that his parent’s beach condo is available and we can go.  We haven’t been to the beach since June and I’m itching to put my toes in the sand.

-And that’s about it!

In my abundant amount of free time I have now that I’m jobless, I figured I would try to exercise some.  You know, since I complain about how I hate the way I look, yet I don’t do a whole lot about it.  I heard about all the OnDemand workouts floating around the blogosphere so I decided to check them out.

I’ve been doing the Jillian Michael’s 30 day shred for about 6 days now.  It doesn’t kick my ass as bad as it did the first day, which is nice since I was pretty sure I was going to die, but it feels really good.  And at 20  minuts, it hold my attention span.  After I finished that up this morning, I continued to look through the rest of the lists and saw one called Surfer Girl Arms.  I was intrigued.  There aren’t that many workouts that specificially target arms on the list and I could most certainly use help in that area so I decided to check it out.

I hit play and realized that it was only 6 minutes long.  Hmm.  I’m all for the shorter workouts, but it didn’t seem like much could get accomplished in 6 minutes.  I decided to give it a try though because some is better than none, right?

In a few seconds two bleach blonde girls in bikini tops and shorts hit the screen.  They were possibly the most obnoxious girls I have ever seen.  Such airheads and the fakest smiles.  I had trouble making it through what turned out to only be 5 minutes of the workout – because of them, not the intensity of the workout.  That (the workout), however, was pretty good – but I would have liked for it to last a little longer.  It’s not often that I say something like that. 

But I guess I shouldn’t complain too much since they’re free and at my disposle.

This week has been quite busy at work.  I have a deadline on Friday that I was freaking out about because I didn’t think I was going to get everything done, but now I think everything will be complete (although I’m planning on coming in at 7:30 tomorrow and Friday).

My four hour interview is tomorrow at 1.  I got a schedule of the afternoon and I’m basically just meeting with a lot of different people.  I get a 15 minute break though – I suppose that should be used to pee and get some water because I’m sure my mouth will be dry from talking so much.  It’s times like this when I realize that going through sorority rush, both as a rushee and as a sister, really teaches you a lot.  All that talking.  And about the same stuff over and over. 

Anyway, I never really thought about it until Monday, but I have NOTHING to wear.  Seriously.  I have no need to wear suits at my current job. 

I have three from my last job.  One has been in a dirty clothes dry cleaning bag since before I moved to Charlotte – so.  you know.  2 1/2 years.  It’s a nice suit, but no time to dry clean it.  And I’m not Febreezing it.  I don’t think Febreeze can handle 2 1/2 years.  Hmm… I wonder what else is in that bag. 

I have another suit that was cheap (and kind of looked it) that I bought from H&M in a pinch before my very first job interview out of college.  I didn’t care about the job and knew I wouldn’t take it, but I went for the interview experience.  It fit then, but I’m pretty sure it’s too small now.

My third suit I love!  It’s a gray Calvin Klein.  And I got it on some ridiculously great sale at Macy’s.  Alas, I bought it because my other two suits were too big for me because I had lost so much weight.  Well, I’ve gained that weight back, plus some, so I know it won’t fit.

I thought about trying to wear the jacket with a pair of black pants, but I think even the jacket is too small.  I wore it for my new headshot last year when we redid the company’s web site and it was kind of tight then.  And, you guessed it, I’ve gained some weight since then too.

I looked online at Macy’s, but they didn’t have any skirt suits I liked, and the pants never fit me right, they’re always too short. 

So, I checked at two Marshall’s stores today.  Absolutely nothing.  I’m going to check one other on my way home.  Luckily there is a NY & Co. in the same shopping center – I’m hoping I might have some luck there.

If not, there is always a Banana Republic in that shopping center too.  I really, really, REALLY do NOT want to go there because they are so ridiculously expensive, but if I have to, I will.  I hate to spend too much money on one because I’m really trying to lose weight and not put it back on this time.  I know I could always have it tailored later, but you know…

So… wish me luck with that endeavor tonight.  Also, a new woman started at work and she is annoying me already.  She doesn’t know how to use an Outlook calendar (really?  it’s not brain surgery) and when it comes to building a media list online (which is the only way I’ve done it), she is clueless – she has only done it the really old school way by using these mammoth sized books.  If you know what I’m talking about, then you’ll understand how pathetic this is.

Anyway, I digress…

My New Year’s resolutions are going ok.  The whole getting in shape is the one that is slow going.  I do good for a day, and then when I try to reward myself with one cookie, I eat three.  But, it’s still better than before. So.  Baby steps.

I’ve been taking the puppies for short walks many days when I get home from work and we’ve been playing more in the house too.  They always play in the house, but I’m playing with them more.  Specifically, trying to teach them to play a game of fetch that actually results in the object coming back to me.  Currently they sit and wait for me to throw it.  Run like crazy maniacs after it.  Shep is the one who always picks it up and Dixie is waiting a couple feet away from him and then attacks him like she’s some sort of linebacker blocking an opponent (ed note: I know nothing about football, so if ‘linebacker’ is inappropriate, just substitute it with whatever is appropriate 🙂 )

And today was a happy day.  I paid off one of my credit cards!!  Woohoo!  Granted, this one had hardly anything of a balance left on it, and it was slowly dwindling on it’s own.  And I still have the one big one and the other that my parents are helping me get rid of.  But paying off this one was an accomplishment nonetheless. 

Now I can take the money I used for that payment every month and put it towards my other card.  And, as it is, I am a month ahead on that card now, so that makes me feel happy!

I’ll get there, slowly, but surely.

The weekend was nothing special, but nice all the same.  And it began early. 🙂  But not for an exciting reason. 😦

I took a half day on Friday in order to attend the funeral of one of my sorority sisters.  She passed away at the age of 22 after a year and a half long battle with Ewing’s Sarcoma and Leukemia.

I didn’t know her very well at all.  In fact, she came through after I graduated.  I did know her in passing through work I did with LM as an assistant advisor for awhile though, and it was important to me to support all of the other sisters as well.  I met up with LM, E, their other sister and KO and we car pooled to the funeral home.  The room was packed and an entire half side of the room was filled with sorority sisters.  I had a  minor panick attack when I swear L’s ex-girlfriend walked in.  I don’t know why she would be there and the guy she was with didn’t look like her boyfriend, and she had a ring on, but I swear, if it wasn’t her, she has an identical twin.  Once I got over that, we took a seat. 

The service was nice.  At the end all of the sisters stood up and walked to the front of the room.  The four of us joined as well.  Since we were toward the back of the room, we were the last few to join the group at the front.  There wasn’t much space at the front for all of us to congregate, and somehow E and I ended up smack dab in the front center of the group.  We were the last people on Earth who should have been in the middle.  LM and KO managed to duck behind some other girls. 

Nervously glancing at each other out of the corner’s of our eyes, we still didn’t know why we were all up there.  And then someone began to recite out sorority’s creed and then sing one of our songs.  After we returned to our seats, the service was over.

We left and decided to grab a beer before we parted our separate ways.

Friday night was uneventful.  L and I hung out around the house, watched some shows on DVR and then I retired to bed without him while he went on a call with the volunteers.

I had high hopes for Saturday.  We were going to have some of the paint lightened for the hall way and finish painting the living room (well, repainting the walls that the puppies have scuffed or eaten.  Yes, they ate part of a wall – are you surprised?).

But, we didn’t end up getting out of bed until like 2pm.  Yes, 2 pm.  We weren’t sleeping the whole time.  We only slept till about 9:30 or 10.  I had a semi-run in with The Crazy.  Not the real screaming-crying-throwing a tantrum crazy like days of old, but rather the I-don’t-think-I’m-good-enough-and-I’ve-missed-out-on-so-many-important-milestones-in-your-life-that-you-were-able-to-share-with-someone-else-and-oh-my-God-I’m-so-fat-and-she’s-so-much-skinnier-than-I-am-why-do-you-even-want-to-be-with-me? type thing.  I blame it on the fact that I’m 98% sure that I saw her the day before.

This all turned in to, this-will-never-feel-like-my-home-because-I-keep-finding-items-that-were-hers-and-even-if-you’re-not-keeping-them-and-you-didn’t-know-they-were-there-I’m-still-sick-of-finding-her-stuff-and-it-doesn’t-make-me-feel-good.

He says he’ll go through the house tooth and nail to make sure it’s all gone, but I’m not going to hold my breath.  There still a picture hanging up that she’s in (not in prominently, but in it enough for me to know she’s there) – he says he’ll take it down, but it hasn’t happened yet (I haven’t even mentioned to him the picture that is in that same collage frame that has him sitting in front of another picture that has her in it – did you get that?  She’s in a picture in a picture.)  I know all this probably makes me sound crazy,  but it is what it is.

Then it went into a whole moment that had nothing to do with the ex, but how I hate the way I look and no matter how much I try to lose weight, I keep failing, and then that somehow led into the fact that I really and truly hate some of the decisions I made in college and that that wasn’t how my parents raised me and I’m such a horrible person and let so many people walk all over me.

Did I mention I’m getting my period this week?

Once we finally got dressed and headed out, we decided to grab a heavy lunch so we wouldn’t have to get dinner before going to a friend’s house to watch the Panthers playoff game that night.  We decided to go to Outback and use a gift certificate he got for Christmas. 

While there, I kept asking him if he wanted to know what I got him for our 2 year anniversary which is next month.  I bought this back in October/November and am dying to tell him what it is because I think he’ll love it (I’d tell you, but of course he wouldn’t be able not to read the post, so it’s a secret for awhile longer).

He keeps telling me he wants to know, but at the same time he doesn’t.  Whether he wants to know or not, I’m not telling him, I just like to tease him.  He’s dying to know though because I made him use a vacation day for it. 

This conversation eventually led into what I got him for Valentine’s Day and our anniversary last year.  He couldn’t remember what I got him for either day.  I kind of just played it off and he eventually guessed what they were when I gave him some hints, but what he doesn’t know is the fact the he forgot hurt my feelings a lot more than I let on.

For V Day, I got him a set of 3 books on the American Railways.  Nothing big or fabulous, but he claims he liked them a lot, and I saw him looking at them a few times and they are prominantly displayed in the living room.  For our anniversary, I  bought him the country concert mega ticket – that’s why we went to so many concerts over the summer – you buy it at the beginning and it’s tickets to all the country concerts that summer.  When I gave it to him, I made a “sign” with pictures of us from all the concerts the previous year and listed out the new concerts and framed it.  That’s in the living room too.

I put a lot of thought into the gifts I get him.  I don’t just buy him something to buy it or because I’m “supposed” to get him a gift.   I get them because they either mean something or I think he’ll really love them.  And it just kind of sucked that he couldn’t even take a stab at it until I told him he sees them every day… and then I added that they’re in the living room.

Anyway, that night we headed to his friend’s house and watched the Panther’s pathetic excuse for a football game.  We had a good time and socialized and had a few drinks.  And we didn’t leave until about 3am. 

While he was working yesterday, I finally took down all the Christmas decorations and cleaned up the house.  Then I began my new project.  I don’t wear any of my shirts with my sorority letters on them anymore, so I’m cutting them all up and am going to sew them together and make a blanket out of them.  That way, I still have them, but they’re  not taking up space in a drawer somewhere.  I kept one pair to wear if I ever go anywhere as an alum or anything.

And here we are today.  Another Monday.  And the first full week of work since before Christmas.  My boss is out until Thursday, but I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on and not much motivation.  Oy.

How is it that not only is it 2009, but that it’s also January 5th already?!  I have a feeling that this month is going to fly by like the last several have. 

Anyway, I’ll do a New Year’s Eve recap tomorrow, complete with my bad luck NYE shoes, and this past weekend when a couple of L’s friends were in town, but first, let’s cover the goals for 2009.

I’ve never really been much on New Year’s Resolutions.  Mine are usually broken quite quickly (except for the time I began being a vegetarian on New Year’s day and that lasted almost 2 1/2 years).  But since next month I will officially be closer to 30 than I am to 20, it’s time to get my life in order.

1. Get in shape; lose weight
    As cliche as this is, it’s got to be done.  We played a few games of corn hole on Saturday and my arm is still sore.  Seriously?  That should not happen.  Also, I am really unhappy with the way I look.  I know I’m not fat, but I’m much heavier than I would like to be.  I’ve also gained at least 10 pounds since L and I started dating.  When I moved home after college, my  mom and I did Weight Watchers together and I lost about 20 pounds.  My long term goal is to lose 28 – 30 pounds.  That would put me back at my post-college weight.  But I’m setting short term goals too.  I would like to lose 8 pounds by my birthday (February 20).  This may sound familiar, but this time I have to do it.  I’ll just think of all those clothes in the closet that would fit again.

2. Get the puppies more exercise
    They run and play so much in the house, but we really don’t walk them nearly as much as they should.  I try to take them to the park, but it’s not fenced in and they run off on me.  Plus, by the time I get home from work, it is dark out.  BUT, from now on, starting today, I am going to walk them when I get  home.  Even if it is just around our small neighborhood, it is better than nothing.  I love them so, so much and I hate that I haven’t been doing this for them.

3. Training the puppies
    L and I spent a good chunk of money for obedience classes, and we were doing good, but never made time to practice before our last lesson.  And since, we’ve never even actually gotten the last lesson and they’ve forgotten most of what they learned.  They still do ‘sit’ and will do ‘down’ on occasion, but they walk terribly on a leash (probably due to number 2 above).  I’m going to start over at the beginning.

4. Get my finances in order
    My life is financial mess.  I have a ridiculous amount of student loans, all in my name, that my parents pay (because I can’t).  Well, my parents do the best they can, but sometimes it doesn’t always work out.  I have one credit card that they also pay for (reminants of “emergencies” in college) which continues to get late fees and over the limit fees even they I’ve only used it like once in the past 6 months – and it was for gas.  My mom and I think we have a plan to pay it off.  It’s going to take a while, but we can do it. 

I have another credit card, that I’m trying to pay off, but it’s hard.  Soon, I’ll have paid off my computer and my damn gym membership that I can’t get out of will expire and I can put the extra money towards that. 

I put $450 into savings every month, but it is all for allotted items (my “one day” fund, general savings which unfortunately gets neglected, car tax, gifts for various occasions, mini-vacations, puppy expenses, my friend’s wedding, etc.).  I need to try and put more towards the general savings or towards paying off this credit card.  I know I have a lot of unnecessary things that I save for, and that if I took tht $450 every month, I’d have my card paid off in no time, but I refuse to live my life miserably.  Although, it would probably be better it I didn’t have the credit card.  I’m going to try to rearrange some money and see if I can put even more extra toward the credit card.

5. Overall, just be more realistic about what I have and what I can do
    Sometimes L and I are too much alike.  If there’s something we want or want to do, we will usually find a way to make it happen even if it is not the best decision financially.  I need to be more realistic about what I have and what I can spend.

Hopefully, I will be successful in these endeavors.  Happy 2009 to all!

There is a Super Target about 5 minutes from my office.  I’ve yet to determine if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I have a tendency to spend, oh, just about every lunch break there.  Sometimes I go in to grab something I quick I need, or to do some more extensive grocery shopping, other times I go in just to look.  However, that looking thing?  Doesn’t really work out so well.  Unfortunately I’ve never been super good at window shopping, and I’m a sucker for sales and dollar sections.

Today I ran in just to get some english muffins to have for breakfast.  That’s it, nothing else.  I would then return to work and have a can of soup for lunch that I had at my desk.  Needless to say, things didn’t go exactly as planned.  And I made some other observations while there.

– I really need to start going in the door at the other end of the store, rather than the one on the grocery side (even though that’s why I’m usually there).  I did not go straight to the english muffin aisle.  The aroma of the chicken fingers in the deli section overtook me.  And just as quickly as those automatic doors slid open, the thought of my Progresso soup for lunch flew from my head and I was picking up a container of warm chicken fingers.  Yumm.

-If I was going to blow my attempt at eating good with the chicken fingers, I might as well really blow it and get the 3 toll house cookie pack for $.99.  They too are soo yummy.

– Apparently cinnamon and raisins are quite pricey.  The cinnamon raisin english muffins were a whole dollar more than the plain ones.  Did I opt for the plain ones because my checking account is dangerously low and every penny counts?  No, the cinnamon raisin ones were too tempting.

-I walked through the home section quickly and by where they have framed pictures.  And in that same aisle were full length mirrors leaning up against the wall at the perfect angle.  I looked so. damn. skinny.  I could have stood there all day long.  Too bad it was all an illusion.

-I eventually made my way to the check out lane.  Per the usual as of late all the lines are sooo long.  Open some more registers – or at least an express lane!  I went to get in one line that was reasonably short.  Then I noticed the cashier standing there leaning against the register waiting for a manager to come over.  Hmm, seems she was the same one waiting for a manager yesterday.  I chose a different line.

– I didn’t feel like going back to the office just yet, so I sat in the parking lot and ate my chicken fingers there.  Well, actually, first I drove to a different section of the shopping center that wasn’t as crowded.  I feel better about doing it then.  Not sure why, it seems as though my lonely car would stick out more there.  Whatever.  As I opened my box of chicken fingers and began eating I was disappointed.  The breading wasn’t as crunchy as usual.  And, in fact, some of it was mushy and not fried all the way.  Still tasty, but not exactly worth they money or the splurge.

-Later on back at the office, I indulged in my cookies.  I took the first one out and it nearly broke it half it was so soft.  Not exactly baked completely.  Which is fine by me because I almost prefer them that way, but that’s unusual for a store to sell like that.  I think the Target kitchen was a little off today.

All in all though, it was another typical trip to Target where I went in needing to spend $3 and came out spending $10.  That adds up after awhile.  And this was a completely lame post… Oh well.

I have really never been happy with the way I look.  When I look back on my highschool self, I can’t believe I thought I was fat then.  I would give anything for that dancer’s body now.

I gained A LOT of weight in college.  Forget the freshmen 15, it was more like the freshmen 45 for me.  I had a pair of jeans that I wore the first week of school that were practically falling off.  Come spring time, I couldn’t zip them.

My weight continued to fluctuate througout college.  I’d lose some, gain some, lose some and gain it again.

My senior year I had lost a bunch.  The whole spring semester I was busy with sorority stuff and school and it slowly just inched itself off.

Then I moved home.  And indulged in my mom’s delicious summer time foods.  Hamburgers.  Steak.  Hot dogs. Potato salad.  Macaroni salad.

And also adjusted to sitting in an office for 8 hours a day and sitting on  a train for 4 hours a day.

I packed it all back on. 

That fall, my mom and I decided to do Weight Watchers together.  We started in mid-October.  By New Year’s, I had lost 20 pounds.  And I felt SO good.  And was happy.

I didn’t even follow it super strict.  Didn’t do the exercise (although, there were several days I ran the 10 blocks to Grand Central to catch my train) and didn’t follow it to the tee on weekends.

But I drank all my water and was super diligent about my Points during the week.

All in all, I lost about 25 pounds.  I gained about 5 back before I moved back to Charlotte.

And then, once I moved back.  It all went downhill. 

That damn social life.  And $5 pitchers at our favorite bar.

By the time I met L, I had gained about half to three-quarters back.  And then, continued to gain as we dated, eating out constantly.

I’ve tried to lose some on and off, but always get side tracked and fall off the wagon.  I have very little self control.  And I am totally one of those people that if I do bad one day, I might as well wait until next Monday to start over since I already ruined that week.

Anyway, what I’m getting at, is taht I feel so gross right now.

I went to Target at lunch and bought a frozen mac & cheese.  Even though I brought leftovers from last night.  Oh.  And I had two a donut as well.  And some chocolate milk, because it looked good when I went by.  And now I feel sick.

That was glutonous (sp?).

Starting Monday (because I need to go grocery shopping first and I don’t get paid until Monday so I can’t go till then), I’m beginning my ‘get healthy’ routine.  And I’m going to blog about it.  I might create a separate blog, or I might just intermingle it here with these posts.  Maybe if I tell you guys about my progress, it will be the same motivation I had when I had to weigh in every week at Weight Watchers.

My longterm goal is to get back to where I was that New Year’s a few years ago.  That is 25 pounds.

My shortterm goal is to lose 7 pounds by the time we go to the State Fair for L’s birthday, which is October 19.  If I lose more, great.  But I don’t want my goal to be too much of a stretch.  If I keep it, I will be more likely to stick with it.

My other motivation… one of these days in the next few years, hopefully L will give me something sparkly.  And I don’t want to be one of those girls that is all crazy trying to lose large amounts of weight before the wedding.  Oh, and I want to look cute for engagement pictures too.  [ed note: I hope by writing this that I am not jinxing myself!]

So, my endeavor will begin Monday.  Let’s hope this goes well.  I have lots of “skinny” clothes just sitting in my closet.  They would give me so many more wardrobe options!