Last week was quite busy, so here are some bullet points.

  • We had a beach trip planned with some friends.  We were leaving Saturday morning and coming back Monday night.  L and I spent all evening Wednesday doing laundry, packing and running errands.  I did the same on Thursday while he was at work and then I worked a half day on Friday and we tied up loose ends before dropping the puppies off to be boarded and heading out to the Brad Paisley concert.
  • Thursday I had a grand opening event for one of my clients.  It went very well and they were pleased.  The down side… I thought I would be sitting at the media check-in table the whole time so I wore these lovely pointy 3 1/2″ brown stillettos.  Of course, as you may have guessed, I didn’t end up sitting at the check-in table the whole time.  Instead I walked up and down this huge hill outside telling the police officers we hired and other parking attendents what we needed done.  It was also 98 degrees out.  Let’s just say: Instant blisters.  I could barely walk after the first 45 minutes.  Seriously.
  • We got to the concert on Friday and started tailgating.  I somehow got drunk pretty fast which I wasn’t really intending on doing since we were going to leave at 7:30 the next morning and it is a 3 hour drive.  L decided to stay in the parking lot with the guys for a few more minutes while the rest of us went in.  I was extremely unhappy about this.  Read: I was ridiculously selfish.  And threw a fit as I went in.  He eventually came in where I threw a bigger fit and stormed out of the concert back to the car.  It was bad.  Like really bad.  LIke my friends were extremely worried about me and we all ended up going home early and it was my fault.  They put me and L in two different cars so he could “cool off.”  The beach trip was cancelled.  He slept downstairs and I was made to sleep on the couch.  I snuck down at 5 am to talk to him and he wanted nothing to do with me.  When I asked if he was going break up with me he said “I don’t know.”  I almost died.  He wouldn’t talk to me until the morning and at 8 am I went back to talk to him and we finally did.  I begged him for another chance and basically had to swear to him that this would never happen again.  See, when I got upset that he wouldn’t come in, I started flipping out about the ex-gf again because I know that when I do that he always comes to me.  Not this time. 
  • We went home the next morning and continued to talk about it.  I had a self-therapy session and realized where a lot of this comes from and that I need to not let my past (as a child!) ruin this now.  He is not going to leave me (unless I do this again).
  • We decided that he and I would head to the beach that evening.  Although we lost the entire day, it wasn’t terrible because it had rained.  Sunday and Monday were beautiful.  Hot, but beautiful.  I think it was best that it was just he and I so we could work on ‘us.’
  • Things are a-ok now and he still tells me how much he wants to marry me and I do the same.  Because that IS what I want.  And I hate that I’ve hurt him.  As awful as it sounds, I think the tantrum (which someone compared to something you would have seen in the Exorcist) was necessary to give me a reality check.  What I have determined is that all the times I have done that?  They are all when I want more attention.  And he came to  me too many times.  It’s like how you’re not always supposed to go to the baby when it cries because it will learn to do that to make you come.  That’s basically what this has been.  And also?  My financial situation?  I had never told L about that and the added stress was definitely messing with me.
  • Dixie might have to go to the vet tomorrow.  When I picked her up from the trainer’s house where we boarded them, she has a big scrape on her neck.  I didn’t notice it till we got home though.  It’s probably just from playing with the other dogs, but it’s pretty deep and I don’t want it to get infected.  Last night she was acting very weird and not herself at all and looked like she was in pain.  L is going to take her in the morning.
  • This morning there was a story on the radio about this couple in New Zealand who named their daughter: “Talulla Does the Hula from Hawaii.”  Seriously, that is her name.  The judge is calling it child abuse.  I thought it was quite strange.
  • I think that catches me up.  After this past weekend and all the talking L and I did, I fell in love with him all over again.  I feel a lot better these days since the weekend.  And it helped that I am able to talk to him about the financial stuff too.  I know it may sound like this relationship isn’t a good one, but it is.  I just have a lot of things that I need to work on.  As an individual.  And I  have to learn not to be so selfish.  One of my friends said that even if he loves me and I love him, if this is how this relationship makes me act then I should really think about it.  And I have.  On more than one occasion.  Even before this weekend.  And you know what?  This is how I acted with my parents when I was young and didn’t get my way.  And they did the same thing.  They just gave in and gave me what I wanted (never material things, but the attention).  And that’s what I’ve been doing to L.
  • I think that it is major progress that I can admit this. 
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