You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category.
I just wrote a whole long post about how busy I’ve been and giving a bit of an update and when I hit ‘publish’, the whole thing disappeared. Damnit.
I’ve been waiting and waiting to ask my girls if they will be my bridesmaids. L already popped the question to me, now it was my turn to pop a question to them. I wanted to come up with a cute way to ask them, and in a previous post I mentioned that I was tossing around the idea of a wine bottle with a customized label (I would make the label, not buy) or getting them a cupcake and creating some sort of note.
I couldn’t wait any longer – I had to do this. There have been so many times when I wanted to call or email them with a question or suggestion, but couldn’t because I haven’t asked them yet. Not to say that I haven’t already asked them for advice and opinions, because I have – I just haven’t been able to ask them bridesmaid-related questions like, what do you think about this dress for you guys?
I’m sure that they all know that I am going to ask them, because we’ve talked about it in the past and these are my very best friends, but I am no way going to assume they will be my bridesmaids. We were all in another friend’s wedding a few years ago who never actually asked us. She just started sending us stuff for dresses and asked us when we wanted to go try them on, etc. We all would have said yes regardless, but it was a little annoying that she didn’t ask.
Back to deciding how to do it. I ended up with the cupcake idea. There is one that I have to mail (A lives in CA) and two others that would be easier to mail so I could ask sooner. I figured mailing a cupcake would be a whole lot cheaper than mailing a bottle of wine. And cheaper to buy or make too.
I was going to make the cupcakes so it would be less expensive, but then I would still have to hunt out boxes that would be appropriate to mail them in. So I went to a new cupcake bakery in town and they sell individual boxes to go with the cupcakes for $2 – so I just decided to get those and buy the cupcakes while I was there. They’re definitely prettier than mine would have been, they are super tasty and really, not that expensive.
When I walked in and ordered 5 cupcakes with gift boxes and then a 6th cupcake (there is no way I could walk out of that store with a bag full of cupcakes and not be able to eat one!) the woman asked what the occasion was. When I told her I was asking friends to be my bridesmaids, she thought it was absolutely the cutest idea ever. She spread the news to the two other women who worked there who were equally as giddy. The thing about these guys that work at SAS Cupcakes is that it didn’t seem fake. One woman suggested putting small little penants in the cupcakes. She came back with two options. One had a ring on it and said “Congratulations!”, but I didn’t like that because it felt like I was congratulating myself – or congratulating my girls for asking them. It was really meant more for someone to give it to a bride. The second was a Valentine’s one that said “Be Mine”, she suggested that one so it was like, “be my bridesmaid”. Plus, it was pink and black so it wasn’t too Valentine-y.
I chose cupcakes that had pink icing, they boxed them up for me and sent me on my way. The whole time they made a fuss about me being a bride and it was cute. I’d lie if I said it didn’t make me feel special. They normally charge for the penants, but gave them to me for free – plus they gave me the 6th cupcake for myself for free 
.
When I got home, I got started on making the cards to go with them. I already had an idea of what I wanted to do. Our colors are navy, green and pink. I found some navy postcards on sale at Paper Source the other day. It was a pack of 50 for $3.00. I had no idea what I was going to do with them, but figured for that price I would pick them up and use them for something.
Each card was going to start with the navy postcard. I was going to add a pink layer and then a green and white polka dot paper as the top layer. I then would use my Gocco to print the phrase on the green paper. Pretty exciting because I already had everything I needed for this.
The navy postcards were previously purchased with no purpose in mind. The pink was a roll of wrapping paper (also from PaperSource) that I bought to use to line the envelopes of our save the dates. And the green was a random piece of 12×12 scrapbooking paper that I bought awhile ago to use for something else. I had one sheet and wasn’t sure it would be enough since I had used small pieces for other stuff, but somehow I managed to get 5 pieces out of it.
So, without further ado, here is the step-by-step process and the finished product at the end.
First I started by designing the text for the card. I use the term ‘design’ loosley, because all I really did was type it up in Word using the Curlz font. I did, however, know how big it needed to be. The navy postcards are 6″ x 4.25″. I wanted a small border showing, so I would cut the second layer (pink) a .5″ smaller: 5.5″ x 3.75″ - and then the final layer (green – where the text would be) a .5″ smaller than that: 5″ x 3.25″. I think the text came out to somewhere around 4″ x almost 3″. I used a font size of about 40. I printed it on a laser printer so that it would be compatiable with my Gocco. (To burn a Gocco screen, the image needs to be carbon based. So, printed from a laser jet, copy machine or drawn/written using a carbon based pen).
Since the Gocco screens are hard to get and can be expensive, I burned both messages on one screen. This is me aligning the two pages on my Gocco getting ready to burn the screen.
I closed the lid and checked to make sure everything was lined up correctly and there were no overlaps or letters getting cut off.
I insterted a screen onto the bottom side of the glass and then screwed in the two flash bulbs into the separeate “bulb house” and inserted that part onto the top of the Gocco. Press down firmly in one motion and let the bulbs flash. This is what burns the image onto the screen.
Open the Gocco and peel back the papers that are most likely stuck to the screen (that’s a good thing). You can see my text on the screen now.
Next step was to cut the green paper to the correct size (5″ x 3.25″). I was really surprised that I managed to get all 5 pieces out of it – and just barely. I’ve realized that I am a messy crafter. This is surprising because I like to be neat. I start off good, but a mess always follows. I need more of a system. For instance, I probably should have cut all the paper first, then got out the Gocco and done that. I had stuff all over the table and scraps everywhere.
Next, I lined up the paper I would be printing on. You can see through the glass on top of the Gocco so I could match everything up. Then, I inked the screen and insterted it back into the Gocco. I only inked the “will you be my bridesmaid” part first because it was hard to line up sheets for both messages and I didn’t want to risk messing it up. I used the white paper to mark where the bottom of the green paper would be so that I could easily line up all the pieces.
Press down firmly to make a print.
Voila! I removed the paper and set it off to the side to dry and inserted the next piece and printed. Etc.
The instructions say to liberally ink the screen, but I did it minimally since I was only printing 5 cards and didn’t want to waste ink. Speaking of not wanting to waste ink, I took a scrap piece of card stock and scraped the unused ink and spread it on the “will you be my maid of honor” text.
This is the screen once I scraped off the excess ink and moved it to the second phrase. I had to add a little extra from the tube too. I didn’t want to risk the print not coming out dark enough since I didn’t have any extra pieces of green paper in the event of an error.
Next, I cute the pink pieces from the roll of wrapping paper. It is PaperSource wrapping paper in fuschia. I love it because it doesn’t have the shiny finish on it. I must admit though that it was much harder to cut out the small pieces than I originally thought it would be. Since it’s rolled up it was hard to keep flat. Plus the length of the paper was larger than my paper cutter, so first I had to cut the length of and then cut it in half so it would fit on my paper cutter. All the while, trying to cut as straight as possible. Then I had to trim all sides so that I knew it was straight, and finally trim down to size.
These are the PaperSource postcards in Night that would serve as the base of the notecard.
I started using a glue stick on the pink pieces to stick them to the postcards because I didn’t want to waste my Xyron adhesive. Then I thought to myself, isn’t this exactly why I bought the Xyron?! Why yes, yes it was. This was one of those purchases I made over the summer when I was anticipating the engagement. I have the Xyron 5″ Creation Station. It puts an even layer of adhesive on the back of anything up to 5″ wide. I wanted one of the bigger ones, but they were just too expensive. I bought this one with a 50% off coupon from AC Moore. I had used a smaller Xyron before and liked it, and this one didn’t disappoint. It’s so fast, easy and mess free. No more having to use multiple pieces of scrap paper to put under the piece I’m using the glue stick on. No more getting glue all over my fingertips (I told you, I’m a messy crafter). Plus, I was able to put it down and smooth it out easily without any of the weird creases that I got with a glue stick when using thin paper – and no glue clumps either.
Simply put the paper in the feeder and turn the crank and watch it come out the other side.
It’s got a handy-dandy little cutter on the other side that slides across easily to cut your project off the roll.
Once you cut it off, peel back the celophane paper. The adhesive is on the white, waxy paper which gets stuck to your project. The celophane pulls the adhesive off of the white part where your project is not. Make sense? Sort of?
Once you peel the celophane off, easily peel off your project. I did that and then stuck it onto the post card. This one is a little off center, but the others are better. There are a few different kinds of adhesive you can buy for the Xryon. I was using the permanent kind because that’s what came with it. They also have a removable kind, a laminate and a magnet/laminate.
After the Gocco ink dried, I repeated this process with the green pieces. Rather than doing each piece individually and cutting it off, I kept feeding them through one after another to save adhesive. Every time you cut a piece off, you get at least an inch of wasted adhesive (you can see in one of the photos above). I wanted to get the most for my money so I put them close together so I wasn’t wasteful.
I then positioned them on top of the pink layer to finish off the front. I think they look really great! I was really very happy with them!
I added a piece of the pink in the same size as before to the back so that I could write a note to each girl.
This is the cupcake all boxed up. They suggest wrapping the box in Saran wrap if you’re not going to eat them that day. Since it could be a couple days before my girls get them, I went the extra mile. Each box has a small elevated cardboard piece in the bottom with a circle cut in it meant to steady the cupcake. Well, I cut some wooden skewers and put two in each cupcake to help steady it even more. I know they’ll get tossed around in the mail and the icing will smush, but every little bit helps. Plus, even if they’re smushed, they’ll still taste good. I also took out that cardboard piece and wrapped saran wrap over the cupcake and underneath the cardboard and placed it back in the box. Then I wrapped the whole box in Saran wrap like they suggest.
Note cards with personal notes on each one.
I was sad because the notecards were bigger than the cupcake box which was a challenge when I wrapped them to mail. There was no way around it, they had to get bent a little. But luckily the wording lined up perfectly and was centered on the box!
All wrapped up, addressed and ready to go!
I dropped these babies off at the post office this morning. I think most girls will get them tomorrow (fingers crossed), and A will probably get hers Saturday.
Here’s a breakdown of the project:
PaperSource Postcards – Pack of 50 in Night – onsale for $3.00
PaperSource Wrapping Paper – Fuschia – $5/roll (bought to actually use for Save the Date envelope liners)
PaperSource Green and White Polka Dot Scrapbooking Paper – one piece – I don’t remember how much it was because I randomly bought it weeks ago.
5 Cupcakes from SAS Cupcakse – $2.75/each
5 Cupcake Gift Boxes from SAS Cupcakes – $2/each
5 “Be Mine” Cupcake Penants from SAS Cupcakes – they were ‘on the house’, not sure how much they charge for them
Brown shipping paper – already had
Gocco screens, ink and bulbs – already had
Shipping for 5 cupcakes – $24
I think my girls will be happy to get a cupcake in the mail – and I sure hope they say “YES!”
Since I was so happy with the way the notecards came out, I’m going to sell them in my Etsy shop. Check back, they’ll be up soon – and remember, everything in there is customizable (colors, set ups, etc.).
you want to read the last post, just ask for the password. Chances are 99.9% that I won’t say no.
I could not be more excited for the weekend. Why? Well, there’s the whole not having to go to work thing, which, as we all know, is number one on my list. Oh, the Steeplechase! Yes, that’s right. It’s finally here and I can not wait! Tomorrow’s forecast – 85 and sunny. L is afraid it’s going to be too hot. Me on the other hand? Oh, I’m thinking of how I’ll get some color on my shoulders!
A little disappointed that my work friend had to back out at the last minute. Her husband’s uncle had a stroke the other night and is not doing well. She had tears in her eyes when she told. Tears that she couldn’t go. Not for the uncle (although, she does feel bad about that too ).
********
The last couple of nights we (I) have been pulling any remaining painting tape off of the walls and touching up some spots on the ceilings. The only tape that was really left was at the peak of the ceiling which required moving the entertainment center and getting out the ladder. It looks so great. My lines are perfectly straight if I do say so myself. We just have one wall that needs to be painted. We held off because L wanted to cut an opening in to create a more “flowy” feeling between the kitchen. But now he’s undecided. So it’s getting painted anyway. Soon. Maybe Sunday. Depending on how hungover I am.
And as selfish as it may sound, I’m glad to know that he recognizes that I did 90% of the work on this project.
Next up we’re painting the bedroom. He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m hoping we can maybe do it next weekend. Just knock it out and get it done. We had talked about maybe going to the beach, but haven’t said anything since. Plus those fires are pretty damn close to where we go.
********
This little nugget of information we received last night kind of annoyed me. As I mentioned, L’s sister is graduating from college the second weekend in May and we are going to her graduation (as it turns out, I apparently haven’t officially been invited, but everything his mom has said leads him to believe that I am invited. I told him I would like for him to confirm. Because I have issues).
Her college is not far from his parent’s house. We were going to go up Saturday evening or Sunday morning, go to the graduation and spend time with the family (I’m thinking lunch or dinner will be involved).
Last night his mom calls and tells us not to bring the puppies when we come.
Umm, why?!
She thinks that it will just be “too crazy” if they are there. Between their dog (cocker spaniel), his sister’s dog (pomaranian) and his aunt’s dog (some teeny, tiny rescue dog), it’s just not a good idea. Plus we won’t be around the house that much.
I still don’t understand. Whenever we bring them, both of their crates go in L’s bedroom and if we are not home, the bedroom door is closed. They barely bark and are pretty much not a problem.
L tells her that we’ll have to try and make some other arrangements if we can’t bring them. She says we should board them with our trainer. Well, he doesn’t board dogs anymore. And if we take them to the new place we’re boarding them, we’ll have to drop them off on Saturday (even if we don’t go till Sunday bc they have certain pick up/drop off times) and likely won’t be able to pick them up until Monday morning since we’ll probably get back late.
That will cost anywhere between $60 and $120 depending on what time we drop them off. We don’t have that kind of extra money to just throw around.
I feel bad asking our one friend who watches them sometimes because he has helped us out sooo much recently. Plus, this is Mother’s Day weekend. Also, his wife is pregnant and due like the next day.
I just don’t understand why it’s our dogs that have to get shafted. And what she has against them anyway. She is so wishy-washy. About everything. She talks about how we should never have gotten the dogs to start with, how dogs (in general) are a pain in the butt, cost a lot of money and ruin things (she does not know about the mattress and never will as far as I’m concerned). But at the same time when they are there and Shep is walking around whining for absolutely no reason and we make fun of him, she’s like “oh, he’s just trying to talk, how sweet.” And she takes them for walks if we’re out even when we tell her they’ll be fine.
I just don’t get it.
Meanwhile, my parents had no problem when I told them we’ll be coming to CT in August for my friend’s wedding and will be dropping the puppies off with them for like 3 days while we’re at the wedding which is a couple hours away.
Plus, how could you not love these two?
********
But, I’m not going to think about that right now. I am way too excited for a wonderful weekend. Now if only I can convince L to call in sick on Sunday! 
I’m forewarning you that I’m going to try and make this post make as much sense as possible, but there are just so many things flying around in my head that I’m not sure how organized it will be. This was what I mentioned in my last post that I’ve been having problems with.
It’s no secret that I’ve had some serious issues with The Crazy for some time. I just don’t know why and I don’t know how to make it stop. Over the last 2+ years, I have ruined so many nights when I start crying and screaming and getting mad. Maybe it’s because I have never dated anyone seriously in my life before L. I had the occasional fling, mostly someone just trying to use me. And after each one of those – each one where I thought that maybe it would maybe go somewhere if even for a little while – I would get upset and it would take me a long time to get over it. So if it took me so long to get over that, then how could he get over this girl that he dated for more than 6 years, that he lived with for a year and a half – how could he get over her in 2 months and be ready to date again? How? How is that possible?
When we first started dating, he talked about her a lot. Never using her name, just saying “the person I used to live with.” When I bring that up, he says he just wanted to let me know where he was coming from.
As I’m trying to type this, I don’t even know what I want to say. There’s just so much.
When he moved to Charlotte for recruit school, he spent every weekend driving back to his hometown to be with her. There’s nothing wrong with that, I’m sure anyone would want to see their girlfriend when they were doing it long distance. But that’s all I think about. To me, when he thinks about recruit school, he will automatically think about how he travelled back and forth so much. And why was he doing that? To see her. He says that’s not how he thinks. But that’s how I think that he thinks. How do I make this stop?
As he and I talk more and more about getting married and having a family and our future together, I get so excited. I love him more than words can say. But then, not all of the time, but a good part of the time, I think about how he bought his house for them to share together. The reason he bought his new truck with four doors was so that it would be easier to get kids in and out of when he had them. Kids that they obviously would have had together seeing as they were dating when he bought the truck. He was planning his life out to spend with her. And I guess that’s what you do when you’re dating someone seriously like that because that’s obviously what we do. But sometimes, I just let this crazy come over me and I think – so he planned his life out and when she went and f-ed him over – he just chose the next girl he could find to fill her spot. I’m just carrying out the things that they wanted together. Because if she hadn’t have cheated on him, things never would have ended and they would still be together and probably engaged or married by now.
He tells me this isn’t true. We’ve had screaming matches about this. Coming to the point one night last summer where it almost ended. I begged for another chance.
He tells me that he bought the house because he was tired of paying rent and would rather pay money that went toward something. He tells me that he was the one that did all the leg work when it came to looking for a house. He tells me that he didn’t even bring her to look at the house until he put in an offer.
But how is that so? I admittedly know very little about the process of purchasing a house. But don’t you get approved before you put in an offer? Because if not, I could go and put in an offer on some million dollar home that obviously I would never get approved for. So if you do have to be approved before you put in an offer, then there is no way that she saw the house after he put in the offer. Because when he first tried to get the loan, it was with her. I’ve seen the papers. With her signature and initials all over it. That loan didn’t work out and when he actually bought the house it was with his parents. But she was there. For all of it.
And what’s more, is that her name is on the home inspection with his. And that is something that we can’t get rid of. I asked why her name was on there if he purchased the house with his parents. He said that normally the inspection is done after the financing goes through, but they had it done while they were still waiting for it. So her name was still on all the papers because he hadn’t decided to do it with his parents yet. We can’t get rid of this document until we sell this house. Which, unfortunately, isn’t going to be any time soon. I told him I did not want to have children in this house. That I would not raise our children in the house that they lived in together. And he said ok. And then months later, he said that that probably wouldn’t be the case. We wouldn’t be able to move by then. And I just don’t know if I can do that.
He told me before that she got mad at him for not adding her name to the house even when he got the loan with his parents. When I asked him why he didn’t, he said it was because they weren’t married. Well, then why did you try to get a loan with her in the first place? He says because he didn’t want to have to ask his parents for help – although, he didn’t mind it when they helped him with the $30,000 down payment, I guess.
And even if it is true and he put the offer in before she saw it, why? I know he would never do anything like that with me. We do everything together. We talk about everything together. And it’s not even anything nearly as big as buying a house. Maybe he didn’t do as much with her, but in my mind that’s not the case.
He bought that house so they could have a life and a family together there. And I’m just filling the space. Or that’s how it feels to me. He doesn’t say things that should necessarily make me feel this way. It’s just what I conjure up in my head.
He told me that when she lived there, she paid the utilities and he paid the mortgage. When I moved in, I insisted on splitting everything equally. For two reasons. One, because I didn’t want it to be like it was when she lived there. And two, because if I’m living there, whether it’s a mortgage or rent, I’m still using the house so I should pay my fair share.
He tells me, and even more so lately, that all that he did in his past, he remembers doing it on his own or with his friends or his family – not with her. I tell him that he is just saying that to try and make my Crazy go away. He says I’m wrong. That he truly feels that way. But how could you possibly feel that way – feel as if she were never there – if you dated her for more than 6 years? Went to proms together? Went to eachother’s high school graduations? Spent your time in recruit school driving back to see her? Gone on vacations together? Had her at your recruit school graduation? Bought a house together? Bought your first brand new truck with her? How can you really pretend like she wasn’t there?
The other night he told me that he wishes he had never even dated her. That I make him happier than he has ever been in his entire life. And he’s so glad that that last relationship never ended up in a marriage because it would have been the wrong decision. You would think that all of this would be good enough for me. Good enough to make it stop. But it just doesn’t.
When he bought his truck, he couldn’t get the loan on his own. So, again, he put her name on it. I’ve seen those papers too. That didn’t work out so he went to a bank in his hometown for the loan where they knew him and his family. When randomly talking about it about two or three months ago – after he had told me more than once that he remembers doing all those things on his own – he said somethign about ”when we went to the dealership to look.” Well, if you really feel as though you did it on your own and you’re not just saying that to make me feel better, then how come it was a “we”?
You can say I’m crazy and that I’m blowing this all out of proportion. I get that. Trust me, I do. But I just keep letting it get to me.
We talk about getting married approximately every two point five seconds. Seriously. And that they only talked about it a couple of times. And not with near the seriousness that we do. But in my head, that doesn’t matter. Because before they broke up, he told me he hadn’t planned to get married for at least two years. Well. Considering he and I started dating about 3 months after they broke up and we just celebrated our 2 year anniversary – this is two years later. So is this his “2 more years” to get married schedule. If she’s not there to marry him, I’ll just take her spot? He tells me this isn’t true and that I need to stop. But how? I’ve tried to just not think about it, but there’s always something that reminds me of her or it.
I thought about it all the way home on the plane last night. I can’t even remember what exactly it was now, but the entire time, she was in my head. Why is she in my head? I don’t even know her!
The other day we were driving somewhere and a Michael Buble song came on his ipod and he immediately changed it. He never listens to those songs when they come on. Never. He changes it every single time. I’ve asked him about it before and his response is always “I just don’t feel like listening to it right now.” When I first heard it on his ipod, long ago, I thought, oh cool, he likes Michael Buble, so do I. Then as time went by, I though, ohhh, wouldn’t that be so elegant and classy to dance to one of those songs as our first dance at our wedding?
Then one day I searched for her on myspace and found her page. And read those ‘about me’ surveys that people do. Favorite musical artist: Michael Buble. Well now, even if he did like the music, that couldn’t be our first dance since that’s like the only person she listed on that damn survey. Then I began to wonder if his “I just dont feel like listening to it” answer was just a lie and that he didn’t want to listen to it bc it reminded him of her.
Cut back to us driving the other day. I asked him why he had the music on his ipod if he never listens to it. “I don’t know, I like a couple of the songs, b ut not most of them.” Then he says that he got the music from his sister. “Don’t lie to me,” I said. “I know someone else who likes that music.” He admitted that it was hers and that it is “purchased” music and every time he deletes it off his itunes, it never goes away. He told me he lied to me bc he was afraid I was going to get all upset and say how he was keeping it to remember her, blah, blah, blah. I told him I was working really hard on that kind of stuff and that I understood why it was there and just to please not lie to me again. I’ll be more upset that you lied than I would be about whatever you lied about.
Then I think about those things. I think about (from what I can gather from Facebook) how much alike she and I are. She has brown hair that she used to dye blonde. Check. She’s not originally from NC. Check. She’s Catholic. Check. There’s more I’ve come up with, but there are just too many thoughts swirling in my head right now.
Is he dating me because I’m like her?
He says that I’m so much better. His sister said, unsolicited, that I’m so much better. He claims that his mom never liked her and if I thought that she was sometimes not nice to me, then I’ve seen nothing.
What a lot of it boils down to, is that this girl took everything that I wanted. The big stuff. The buying the house together for the first time. That’s the biggest one. Because even if he was the one to buy it and it was his idea – she was still there to be by his side while he did it. Not me. Not by himself. Not his parents. But her.
If it had been more than 2 months before he started dating again. If he had dated other girls in between. If he had dated other girls period. He’s basically only dated her and me. He says there was one or two before she and him dated, but really? That would have been his freshman year of high school. And at this point, when he’s got 6+ years under hisbelt with this girl – that doesn’t count.
Oh, I know what I kept thinking about on the plane yesterday. About when we would get married. Because he told some friends of ours the other night when and where he was planning to ask me. He still obviously won’t tell me when, but will divulge that it will be before we go to CT in August. I’m assuming that the fact that I ruined his Savannah proposal idea is what may have pushed him beyond the “by July” time fram he gave me previously.
I thought… so, if he asks me this summer, we can still get married next August or September like we talked about. That means, that when he asks me, we’ll have been dating about 2 1/2 years. We’ll have lived together for about 1 1/2 years. When we get married, we’ll have been together for about 3 1/2 years. Oh. 3 1/2 years. We’ll be married in 3 1/2 years. That’s only half the time they were together. Wow, we’ll be married for three years before we even hit the point of the amount of time they were dating.
Then I thought, but they started dating when they were in high school. So even though, yes, it was a long time, obviously they’re not going to get married in high school. This was me trying to be rational and talk myself out of the crazy. So then I tried to figure out how long they were together after high school. Well, if he graduated in 2003 and they broke up in the fall of 2006, then they were together for 3 years after highschool. That’s still longer than we’ve been together. Oh wait, I thought, she was younger than him. Oh, well, only by a year academically. So, she graduated in 2004, meaning they were together 2 1/2 years after high school before they ended.
I don’t know. I just want to make it stop. E’s boyfriend had even bought a diamond for the girl he was dating before her. So how does she not have issues and I do? L told me he never even researched anything about diamonds before he and I talked about it – let alone looked at them or purchased anything. But then I think… E’s boyfriend had been single for more than 6 months before they started dating. That his house wasn’t FILLED with her stuff. E and him don’t live together, but come on, L’s ex’s stuff was still all over the house even AFTER I moved in.
Then I think, why did he call the puppies by the wrong name that time (last March)? Why did he call them by the names of the cats he and her had together? Because they had two cats, is that why he wanted two dogs? We’ve had this conversation multiple times before. He says he doesn’t know why he called them those names. That he doesn’t think about any of that. And he has no idea where it came from.
While I was gone, one of the guys at the volunteer FD had some girl issues. He was dating some girl who lives in NY and it got pretty serious. Well, I guess she recently called him and told him she had been cheating on him. He was really upset about all of this and talked to someone at the FD about it who called L because L is his captain and they all look out for each other. So L and someone else went to go talk to him and see if he was OK. As L is telling me this story, I think about how he must have talked baout his ex when he was trying to make this guy feel better. Saying how he knows how he feels because his ex, who he was very serious with, cheated on him.
I said to L, maybe you should refer him to some kind of EAP (employee assistance program) like the guys in [city that he works for full time] did for you.
You see, after L and the ex broke up, he apparently sat at the house and got ridiculously drunk all the time. He was going to work hung over almost every day. The guys at work were worried and told him he needed to go to EAP. He tells me that they were wrong. he wasn’t drinking becuase he was sad, but because he was making up for lost time. Apparently, she didn’t like to drink or something.
I don’t entirely believe this. In my mind, I picture him at home drinking and crying over her.
He tells me that when we met, he was completely over her. When I ask why he talked about her so much, he goes back to the “I was just letting you know where I was coming from” thing. But in my head, I go back to him crying into his liquor.
Then I go back to our wedding. And how we are going to have to pay for it ourselves because my parents are not in a position to pay for a wedding. And then I think about how he wishes he could be with a girl he could marry and not have to worry about paying for the wedding and a girl whose family could take him on European vacations (he was going on vacation to Europe with her and her family, but hten they broke up 3 months prior, so obviously he didn’t go) and a girl whose family had fun cars to drive (he talked several times about how much fun he had driving her mom’s mini cooper). And that her family had so much more going for it than my family.
And that, it is my belief that if you’re married, then you have one checking account. I know there area lot of opinons on that, but that is my opinion. And that he’s going to marry this girl who has so much financial burden and how that is going to affect our future and that if he married her, he wouldn’t have to worry about that.
He held me and told me that it would be ok. That we would fix it together. But in my head, I’m thinking, that if he were with her, there wouldn’t be a financial mess to fix. Nothing to affect their future. Their lives.
I don’t want to burden myself or him or our relationship with this bullshit. I want to get over it. He is so good to me and I love him so much. And honestly, there is no way we could have gotten through a lot of this and a lot of other things if we weren’t meant to be together. There is absolutely no way. We’ve both had our faults. Neither one of us is perfect.
I just want to stop thinking about her. And about his life with her. There are days and weeks that go by and I don’t think about it and it feels so good. And that’s how it’s been lately. But the last week or so. I don’t know what happened. I try to take deep breaths and say “it’s not helping, think about something new.” And sometimes it does help. And sometimes it doesn’t. I just want it to not matter to me anymore.
At one point, I told my friend N about a lot of this. She used her school psychology talk on me and sent me this. I try to think about what she said, because it’s true. And sometimes it helps.
It’s understandable that you’d feel worried about him getting over his ex because like you said, he didn’t have much time to get over it. Then again, guys are very different from girls and maybe he really did just need to put it behind him. I suspect if she cheated on him and hurt him in that way he really was ready to just put it behind him. Here is some info that may help you rationalize this to yourself. There is a lot of research that says that women get more hurt if men develop emotions for other women outside of the relationship while men get more hurt if women have physical encounters with other men outside of the relationship. In other words.. the way you would feel if a guy became emotionally attached to another woman is the way he feels when his girl gets physically attached. When she cheated on him he is likely to have just become extremely disgusted with her. That is how most guys react to that sort of thing… especially when it’s physical. My guess is that even if it hurt to end things and move on… he never thought twice because generally guys just can’t get over their disgust for women when they sleep with others. Does that make sense? It does seem as though he was able to leave that behind him. That said, she was a part of his past and you can’t erase her so you’re going to have to live with the fact that she existed. [B] can’t erase [my ex] from my past… and he’s in the same boat as you in terms of not having a serious relationship prior to me. What you should tell yourself is that [L] learned from his past to get involved with women who are trust worthy, sweet, nobel and loyal and that treat him well. That is why he choose you. So… treat him well and you won’t have anything to worry about. I can’t promise that but it’s what it sounds like from what you’ve said. And remember it’s natural to feel the way you do, just try to replace those feelings with the idea that you ARE better than her in so many ways and thats why he chose you!!!! The only reason he didn’t choose you first is because he didn’t know you at that time and fate brought you together when it did for a reason. You’ll just have to trust that and trust his love for you.
He tells me so frequently how I am the most important thing in his life, and that he can’t wait for me to be his wife and he can’t wait to have a family together and how he can’t imagine his life without me. And I feel the exact. same. way. I don’t want to just have a wedding. I want to be married to him. I want him to be my husband. I want to grow old with him. I hate when I have to be away from him whether it is when he is at work or if one of us is out of town.
I just want it all to go away.
I swear. I’ll post about my four hour interview and the lovely, lovely weekend we had.
…that I’m alive. Work has just been crazy.
Be back soon.
I’ve probably mentioned in passing that if I could go back and do the college search all over again, I wouldn’t have chosen the school that I did. Don’t get me wrong, I love the friends I met, I love how I fell in love with the south, and if I hadn’t have gone there, it’s unlikely I would have moved to this city and eventually met L.
When I was looking at colleges, I was obsessed with NYC. So I was looking for schools in large cities. And even though I could tell you so much about so many colleges, I think that I overlooked many that would have been excellent choices.
Though my alma mater has grown significantly and barely looks the same as it did back in 2001 when I entered the crazy world that is college, it lacked many things that I realized I wanted later down the road.
School spirit being the biggest one. When I started there, it was very much a “suitcase” school. Everyone went home on the weekends. It made me sad. And even though our basketball team was decent sometimes, there were only a couple games a year that were packed.
We also didn’t have a football team. Which I thought didn’t matter since I’m not really a football person. But I soon realized that everywhere, but especially in the south, football is an event. I was jealous of people I knew at other schools and the fun games they went to, even if the team wasn’t any good. And I was jealous of the people I knew that went to schools that did have a good team.
My school would not be getting a football team anytime soon though. A woman who helped build the university up from the ground and keep it running when the UNC system wanted to shut it down, did not want a football program. Rumors are out there saying that she had a son/grandson/nephew/someone who was hurt very badly playing football and that’s why she was opposed.
But it’s something that the student body wanted. As the school continued to grow, and more and more students are coming from out of town and out of state, the idea grew in popularity as well. This woman died a few years ago and many are wanting to continue to propel the school into something even greater than what it is. These things need to happen when you have a relatively ‘young’ school (founded in 1946).
The school put together a football feasability committee several years ago, but it was put on hold due to the horrific events of Sept. 11, 2001. The committee arose again this past winter.
After extensive research, they determined how much it would cost the school, the students, the community and what results it would have. In a way, it didn’t sound promising. But the chancellor would review and make a reccomendation to the Board of Trustees.
That happened two weeks ago. And his reccomendation? That we should develop a football program. Now during all of this and even before it was serious, I was gung-ho for this. Especially now that I’m living back in the area. My friends and I are all for tailgating and going to all of the games and even buying season tickets. We know it will be a long time before the team is any good, but this is the school spirit I’m talking about. It may not have been huge when I was in school, but if it’s getting more intense now, you bet I’m going to participate as an alum.
The chancellor did say that in order for this to work that they need to raise $5 million in six months. Whoa! That is A LOT of money. He suggests that this is done by selling seat licenses. This would be a lifetime license for particular seats. You buy this just one time, but you still have to purchase the actual season tickets each year. Sell 5000 of them for $1000 a piece.
Yikes, that was a little more than I was planning on. But wait, what’s this? A payment plan. Pay for the seat license over 1, 2 or 4 years. Yes! Sign me up. The athletic offices are already taking names. They aren’t taking money yet, but they are creating a list. A press release went out earlier this week saying that over 2700 licenses have already been spoken for. And that’s just in two weeks. Many of us are hopeful that there are a lot of people out there waiting to hear if the Board of Trustees votes to start the program (that’s when they’ll start taking money for the licenses) before they sign up.
November 13 will be an exciting day. That’s the day they vote. That’s the day we find out if we’ll have a football team. And if they vote yes, I know where I’ll be on football Saturdays in 2013!
Cross your fingers for me and my fellow collegiates!
To celebrate the October 15th launch of Handbag Planet’s web site, they are giving away 24 handbags in 24 hours. Absolutely free!!
Click here to enter: www.handbagplanet.com
Thanks to ChasingParadise, where I found out about this great giveaway!
I’ve yet to do the popular “100 Things About Me” list. And I thought maybe I would do it for my 100th post. And then I posted something else. So, here are 103 things about me for my 103rd post.
1. I am an only child.
2. I have spent my entire life trying to convince people that this does not automatically mean that I am spoiled.
3. I do, however, like to get my way.
4. I have an on-going battle between the love for my preppy New England roots and my desire to be a preppy Southern girl.
5. I don’t have an accent. Yankee or otherwise.
6. L, the boyfriend, does not agree with #5. Sometimes if we are in a “very Southern” or “country” place, he says I’m not allowed to talk. He’s kidding. Sort of.
7. If I could go back in time, I would want all 4 years of my college experience to be like the last two.
8. But if I could really go back in time, I would have chosen a different school. Somewhere with a football team and a lot of school spirit. And really Southern. With a large Greek community.
9. I was in a sorority in college. I loved it. And still do.
10. If something is pink and green, I will want it. This is largely due to # 9.
11. I loved pink and green before I had even heard of the sorority I eventually joined.
12. I have a small pink tattoo of my sorority’s mascot on my back, right hip.
13. I didn’t get it until after I graduated from college.
14. My mother said it felt like I punched her in the stomach. She doesn’t like tattoos.
15. L is the first person I have ever seriously dated.
16. Apparently people took my shyness as being bitchy and stuck up.
17. That’s my excuse anyway.
18. L and I started talking about marriage after dating only 7 months.
19. I moved in after 10 months.
20. He is the love of my life and I don’t know what I would ever do without him. He’s the only one that could ever put up with all of my shit.
21. We have two lab puppies. Shep and Dixie.
22. We treat them like children.
23. They are currently eating us out of house and home.
24. I have grown up with animals all my life and couldn’t imagine it any other way.
25. I was a vegetarian for almost two years.
26. It started because I was all crazy animal rights activist girl and my cousin told me I was a hypocrite because I ate meat. So I stopped that day.
27. Then I broke down at a restaurant one night because the chicken my mom had smelled SOOO good.
28. I’ve never looked back.
29. Steak is my favorite meal.
30. Followed closely by L’s amazing cheeseburgers.
31. I don’t think he believes me when I tell him I used to be a vegetarian.
32. I danced for 15 years.
33. I was good, but definitely not really good. I loved it so much and miss it dearly.
34. I love “So You Think You Can Dance”
35. My groups of friends have names for each other. And t-shirts.
36. Friends from high school: The Flavas
37. Friends from college: FKC
38. I only have one friend from college that was not in my sorority. One of my college roommates. I don’t know where I would be without her.
39. At my first job out of school, my colleagues were shocked if I would walk in to work and not have something pink on.
40. I often got many compliments on the way to work for matching my travel mug to my jacket and sneakers.
41. This wasn’t planned. I just buy a lot of things that are pink.
42. Yes, my sneakers are pink.
43. I decided to take up golf a couple summers ago and took some lessons.
44. I wasn’t bad considering I had never picked up a club before.
45. I spent more money on my golf bag than I did on my clubs.
46. I didn’t practice enough and didn’t practice at all once I moved to NC. I’m really bad now.
47. L says that he doesn’t count the time he and I played a Par 3.
48. It’s that bad.
49. I cannot leave the house without making the bed in the morning.
50. I will have a bad day if I do.
51. I hate my job, but I have no idea what I would actually like to do.
52. This is probably because I have no desire to work whatsoever.
53. My ideal life would be to get married and quit my job.
54. This is not to say that I would sit around all day and be a bum.
55. I would like to volunteer with different organizations in my community.
56. And at school once I have kids.
57. I am dating my best friend.
58. Sometimes he and I have so many things in common it is scary.
59. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong era.
60. I really like the 40s and 50s. Or the Scarlett O’Hara days.
61. In 3rd grade I was an “old fashioned woman” for Halloween.
62. Sometimes I wish I was raised in the South. In a really cute, small town.
63. And sometimes I have the desire to move to a small Southern town in the middle of nowhere right now.
64. Then I remember that I like to go to the bar occasionally.
65. And prefer my daily trips to Target to be no more than 15 minutes away.
66. I am your typical girl who used to hate beer and now that’s pretty much all I drink.
67. I LOVE cupcakes.
68. At 22, I collapsed to the floor in the mall, a sobbing mess, when my mom called to tell me they were going to have to put my dog to sleep.
69. I am convinced that my childhood cat haunts my parent’s house.
70. If I won the lottery, the very first thing I would do was pay off my student loans.
71. Quickly followed by the rest of my debts.
72. L says that he is my “pseudo credit card”
73. This is not true.
74. Ok, well, maybe a little bit true.
75. I have always prided myself on my sense of direction.
76. Then I moved to Charlotte and have been lost ever since.
77. I think it is ridiculous that the city goes in a circle and that there are multiple intersections where all the street signs are the same name.
78. L knows his way around very well though.
79. I call him Mr. Mapquest. But he prefers Rand McNally.
80. I passed out in the middle of a Rush party on the last night when I was going through.
81. I did not get a bid from that sorority.
82. I still sleep with a stuffed animal.
83. I have had it since my first birthday.
84. When I was little and we would go on vacation, I would make a tag out of posterboard and tie it around his neck with a note saying ‘If lost, please mail back to [my address]. My owner loves me a lot. She will send you the postage money.’ And when we were at hotels, I would put him in the room safe so the cleaning ladies wouldn’t steal him.
85. It is not unusual for me to sit down in the shower.
86. I have even fallen asleep once or twice.
87. One time my freshmen year of college I took 6 showers in one day.
88. I take showers when I am sad or depressed.
89. I pick my wine out by how pretty the label, bottle or name is.
90. I have had some pretty bad wines because of this.
91. I have a tendency to be very quiet around people I don’t know. Especially if it is someone else’s friends.
92. I have struggled with my self-image my entire life. I have never been over weight, but I have rarely been happy with the way I look.
93. I wish my hair was the same blonde color it was when I was 3.
94. I can no longer afford to fake it.
95. I live beyond my financial means. No matter how hard I try not to.
96. I create handwritten spreadsheets for how I am going to save money for different items/events.
97. My mom and L say that these spreadsheets make their heads spin.
98. Looking back, I had a slight OCD problem when I was in middle school.
99. I think crayons and coloring books are highly underrated.
100. I think swings on a playground are underrated too.
101.I hate that I live 3 hours from the coast now. My favorite thing is to walk on the beach.
102.I used to be “tan-orexic” in the summers. Now I have come to the realization that the fluorescent lights in my office will not tan me.
103.I started blogging because I was bored at work one day.
I heard this song on the radio the other day. And it is safe to say that I have become slightly obsessed. This happens sometimes. Also, I think it’s because I wish I grew up Southern.
L just sent me this link – you guys have to check it out! Look at this crazy beer pong table that some guys at WVU made. Let the video load and then skip to 2:15 to see the finished project.
http://www.geekologie.com/2008/05/ridiculous_beer_pong_table_is.php
The title, what can I say? I like alliteration. Anyway…
I’m back from Atlanta, and wish I was still there. The 4 days seemed to go by so. quickly. Wednesday afternoon I left work at 3:30, hit the tanning bed and then to have my hair done. I’m still not in love with this hair dresser, but she does a reasonable job and it costs much less than what it would probably cost to have my hairdresser from CT and her family relocated to NC, so I’ll stick it out. Ha.
L and I packed that night, and although I was exhausted, we went to bed much later than I had wanted to. Our plans were to leave the house by 7:25 Thursday morning and drop off the puppies at a local vet to board for the weekend. Then hit Bojangle’s for some breakfast and be on our way. Atlanta is about 4 hours or so from our house and we had tickets to a 1 p.m. Braves game.
We were close to schedule – we left the house at about 7:40. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I was excited to go, but I was also soooo tired. All of the issues at work that week (which I may or may not write about – maybe when it’s all done) had drained me. And it was raining. It’s always so hard for me to get up in the rain.
We put our bags and the puppies in the car and were on our way to drop them off. Our vet doesn’t board animals, but this one is only about 2 miles from our house and is spoken highly of. Other than their fees. They’re expensive, but I have to say, I think the boarding was about average.
The people weren’t super friendly or excited to see them. Umm, hello? Have you seen my puppies? They are adorable. Also. You work at a vet. You are supposed to obsess over every animal that walks through that door. We handed over their food and a bag of toys and said bye-bye to the puppies. Quick stop at the drive through and we were on our way to battle the traffic through Charlotte.
It wasn’t too bad, could have been worse. Once we got past the city, it was smooth sailing. Until we hit Greenville, SC – about 1 1/2 hrs from the house. “Oh, shit,” I though. I forgot the wedding present. On the kitchen table. Where is has been wrapped and sitting for at least two weeks. Oh well. I would just mail it when we got back and get another card to leave on the gift table explaining.
We weren’t going to be able to check into our hotel until 3, but I called to see if early check-in was available, and it was. We got to the hotel, The Renaissance Downtown, about noon, checked in, dropped off our stuff, freshened up and left for the game. We were about 4 miles from the stadium I think. I wanted to be closer so we could hopefully walk and not have to worry about how much we drank or parking. But hotels in Atlanta are expensive. $120 a night was about the cheapest near the stadium and reviews said, “it’s ok if you’re just staying the night after a ballgame.” OK, that’s what we were doing – but I didn’t want to spend that much money for reviews like that. Luckily, E and LM’s younger sister started working at a hotel a few months ago and could get us an employee discount. $50 for the night. Not too bad. Not too bad at all. It was such a nice place.
We got to the game. Got a beer and something to eat and headed to our seats. Field level on the first base line about 25 rows back. Awesome! They were playing the Padres and it was a fun game. We ate, we drank, we sweat because it was 84 degrees and we were in direct sunlight. And I got a little tipsy. Oh, and the Braves won!
At the Braves Game
After the game, we headed back to the hotel with plans to go out later that night. Except we kind of fell asleep and I woke up at 8:30 wondering why it was so dark in the room. Then apparently fell back asleep until 9:15. Ha. We finally got up, showered quickly and went to the sports bar downstairs in the hotel for a light dinner. Neither of us was up for going out, but we had a blast earlier in the day, so who cares.
Friday, we took our time getting ready and checked out at about 10 or so. We drove around and saw some sites, then picked my parents up at the airport. We checked into the two-bedroom suite we had at The Georgian Terrace where the wedding was taking place. Walked with my parents to a corner diner for them to get something to eat and then headed over to the Olympic Park to walk around.
In the Olympic Park
There were lots of fountains that were probably beautiful when there was water in them, but due to the continuing drought (you know, since like last summer), there wasn’t any water. I did make Lee go down a slide with me at a playground. Which he kind of enjoyed. We eventually went back to the hotel to shower and get ready for dinner. We would be meeting up with the wedding families and other out of town guests at the hotel bar after their rehearsal dinner.
It was great to see everyone. Lindsey, the bride, and I have known each other since kindergarten and were best friends for the longest time. Our moms were very good friends too and we always had a good time together. Their family moved to Florida the summer after we were in 7th grade because Lindsey’s dad’s job was transferred. We visited several times and Lindsey and I even travelled to Europe to visit my cousin in high school, but the last time I saw her was after sophomore year of college – about five years ago. The last time my mom saw her mom was about 8 years ago. It was so, so good to see them.
Lindsey and her mom and younger sister and dad are all the same, and it felt as if it were yesterday that we saw each other last.
We mingled for a few hours and then finally retired to the room.
Saturday we got up early for breakfast and then went to tour CNN studios and The World of Coke, a big museum-type place about Coca-Cola. In the tasting room, L and I tried just about all 70 different Coke products from around the world. And some of them were so gross.
We all went back to the hotel and started to get ready and then went down to the wedding. It was much smaller than I thought it would be – only about 100 people. But it was absolutely gorgeous. Lindsey had a beautiful dress with a long, long vail and the bridesmaids wore plain, long, black gowns. The flowers were pinks and greens and oranges. And Lindsey and Alan looked so happy. The ceremony was followed by a cocktail hour and then the reception.
Ceremony site
Mr. & Mrs.
The tables at the reception had those tall centerpieces. It was just so pretty.
I loved the centerpieces
Better shot of the colors
As L and I talk more and more about getting married, I of course think about what our wedding will be like. And as I’ve gotten into reading everyone’s blogs over the last few months, I’m always drawn to those of you who write about your weddings. They all sound so beautiful and I worry that mine won’t be how I imagine because my parents don’t have the means to provide a huge budget and L and I don’t really have a whole lot of extra.
But after seeing Lindsey’s wedding. I’m not as worried. I’m sure hers was on the expensive side, but everything she had was classy, elegant and simple. The right things were accented to make it perfect for her and I have more confidence that with the right planning and decisions, that mine will be perfect how I, L and I want it.
Oh, and it was open bar. I might of had a few drinks. And then L and I went to the hotel bar afterward with some other guests and family. Where I had a shot with Lindsey’s dad (and many others who joined in) and apparently L had to help me back to the room and put me to bed. I woke up the next more recalling nothing after the shot taking incident.
We packed up and headed downstairs where we ran into Lindsey’s mom and dad, and said goodbye. We wanted to go to Underground Atlanta to check it out. It’s basically a bunch of shops underground – cool, but nothing special. We headed toward the airport, got lunch and dropped my parents off.
I was excited to come back and pick up the puppies – I really missed them. And they seemed pretty excited to see us. I was happy. We spent the night hanging out with them and playing some Wii and Rock Band and then hit the sack. I was so tired and wished I was able to stay home with L and the puppies today. But, alas, I came to work. And played catch up all day. Luckily I get to leave about 3 or so to hand out press kits at an event. Maybe I’ll be there long enough that it won’t be worth it to come back to the office. Who knows.
Anyway, I hope everyone else had a great weekend too!
PS – I loved my dress – thanks for all your help! And, more pictures to come. WordPress is being dumb again. Or maybe it’s just me!
Thank you faithful readers. I took your advice, and ordered option #2. It’s already on its way – so hopefully I’ll have it in a couple days!
